He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
