dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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