shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
