im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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