ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
