if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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