I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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