Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
