i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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