If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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