You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
