Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
