If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
