I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
