she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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