good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
handjob tips. give me some.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
