so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
