Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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