I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I intend to get homeless drunk
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
