After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
