I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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