3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
