had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
