So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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