Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am spending my child support on dildos
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
