Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
