this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
