Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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