While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
