What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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