Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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