filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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