my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
