and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
