This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
