After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
