Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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