I just made out with a guy for $7.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
