Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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