You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
