Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
