Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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