Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
