something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
