Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
