do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
