Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
