His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
