can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
