I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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